Showing posts with label Lana Clarkson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lana Clarkson. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Deathstalker (1983)


Director: James Sbardellati
Writer: Howard R. Cohen



The warrior Deathstalker is tasked by an old witch lady to obtain and unite the three powers of creation - a chalice, an amulet, and a sword - lest the evil magician Munkar get them and use them for nefarious purposes. After obtaining the sword, Deathstalker joins with other travellers going to the Big Tournament to determine the strongest warrior. The false king holds the true princess in captivity, and plots to have Deathstalker killed, and Deathstalker must fight to free the princess.


Deathstalker is one of the movies from the 80's (along with Hawk the Slayer, and Conan) that really got me into fantasy movies.  Of course my time spent playing D&D table-top helped too.  There is a lot of negativity towards this movie that I can tell.  Of course it isn't "good", not many of these movies are, that's where a lot of the charm comes from.  So the real question here is, upon recent re-watch, did it hold up for me?


Yes, it held up for me.  I fucking love this movie.  It could have a lot to do with nostalgia, but add on to that the sword-slashery, the gratuitous nudity, the one-liners, and the fact that it's fantasy.  I still got a kick out of watching this again.


The story is simple.  Our hero is tasked with saving a princess, kicking ass in an arena and getting laid.  Typical fantasy fare, but we don't watch these for extensive plot do we?

Plot: 7


The acting is pretty good for a low budget flick like this.  Hill is excellent as Deathstalker.  Benton and Brooker are good.  I really have no complaints here.

Acting: 7


Besides some animated lightning, there's really no computerized effects here, only practical make-up effects which I thought were done pretty well.  Some of them are better than others... and besides, you have Pig-man.


I'm going to replace "cheese", with "action" since I really don't watch these FOR the cheese, but I do enjoy the action and think it should be discussed.  The action here is, well... o.k.  Some scenes are better than others and some actors are better than others.  I thought the stuff with Deathastalker and Oghris were pretty good (except when they were homo-erotically wrestling each other in bed), but most of the action here is pretty 80's WWF stuff.

Action: 5


And of course we have the women.  I have to admit, I'm pretty torn here personally.  I think most of you guys will love all the gratuitous nudity here, but frankly, I'm not one for giant breasts.  Benton and Clarkson honestly do nothing for me.  I do like the brunette with Oghris who is not named and unfortunately I have no Idea who she is.

Eye-Candy: 5


Obviously, I really like this movie and have seen it multiple times.  If you haven't seen it, give it a shot with your cheesy 80s mindset and enjoy.

Rewatchability: 8

Verdict: Recommended

Cast


Rick Hill ... Deathstalker


Barbi Benton ... Codille


Lana Clarkson ... Kaira


Richard Brooker ... Oghris


Bernard Erhard ... Munkar


Augusto Larreta ... Salmaron


Marcos Woinsky ... Gargit


Jorge Sorvik ... King Tulak


Veronica Llinas ... Torvala


Boy Olmi ... Young Man


Pig Man!


Victor Bo ... Kang


This Hot little number who I wish I knew her name


















Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Barbarian Queen (1985)


Director: Héctor Olivera
Writer: Howard R. Cohen (screenplay)




Set during the days of the Roman Empire. A simple village is raided by Roman troops, and most of the people are whisked off to be slaves or killed. Three women survive and set off to liberate their people. When they arrive at the Roman city, they team up with the local underground to seek vengeance and liberation of the slaves. Written by Ed Sutton


Let's be honest.  This movie is about two things, tits.  Therefore, knock this one up as one of my favorites as a kid.  Barbarian Queen came out along with other favorites like Deathstalker, Warrior Queen, The Warrior and the Sorceress, and The Sword and the Sorcerer, all staples of my youth.  What more could a 13 year old D&D nerd ask for?


Let's see what we have here.  Sword battles? Check.  Blood?  Check.  Nudity?  Check.  Hot nude babes fighting with swords and spraying blood around?  Check check check.  Ok, I'm game.


All kidding aside, of course this is not a good movie in the normal definition.  The sword fights are silly.  The blood looks completely fake.  The story is simple.  The acting is pretty terrible, the costumes aren't even very good.


But, I still enjoy these movies to death.  It's more than just the hot 80's babes and the nudity.  I'm sure it's a nostalgic factor too.  I rewatched this and enjoyed it as much as I did in the past.


Close your mind and enjoy this for what it is.  A sexy, cheesy, silly little romp.   Now, I'll inundate you with all the goodness this flick has to offer.

Verdict: Recommended for you and your little friend.

The Cast


Lana Clarkson ... Amethea


Katt Shea ... Estrild


Susana Traverso ... Tiniara


Armando Capo ... Arrakur


Andrea Scriven ... Dariac


Dawn Dunlap ... Taramis


Frank Zagarino ... Argan


Marcos Woinsky ... Strymon


Roberto Catarineu ... Shibdiz